A day of despair for the anti-smoker in me

What else did I expect to happen on the day marijuana was legal on the streets?? Here I was thinking of not laying my hands on smoke today. It looks quite a foolish idea now that I come to think of it, it did sound suspicious even yesterday, but I had never expected the whole idea to crash so badly.
I can attribute my unruly behaviour to slashing my lungs and pockets with craving for smoke with a dozens of plausible excuses. But, the truth is I did not really have a grip on my self control today. Although there are a few which I genuinely think could be causing the haphazard intake of smoke and a desire to engulf oneself in clouds of smoke over and over again, the truth always remains the truth.
The morning began with me being sent off to the market to get some fruits for the mahashivaratri celebration as it requires fruits to be offered to the deity. I grabbed the opportunity to sneak in for a quick smoke early in the morning. Yes, that's pathetic I know, but I could not resist the urge as the idea was too tempting. As I struck the matches, took a few puffs and the excitement of getting to sneak in a few gasps of smoke was over, I got some time to think. There standing in front of the cafe I remembered of this blog, of the idea of never to smoke again and all that stuff. I tell you, I was half way through my first cigarette of the day by now. It did not seem wise to throw away the half burnt stub, wiser than sucking it, nevertheless, I resented the idea to throw it away and decided to go on with the routine of suckling to the end of the cigarette.
Later as I returned home some of my friends wanted to take a trip to the cafe that we go for smoke. There was no way to resist the temptation the place brings in me. I had around two sticks of cigarettes there. Within three hours of me stepping foot outside the house I had three cigarettes already.
Later a senior brother and me headed towards the college premises. There was some plans for us to gather there with our long lost friends. At a point I felt so alone there that I had no other thing to do than smoke a cigarette henceforth I ended up buying three more cigarettes. Although there were many of us there and that I did not get to or I did not have to smoke all the cigarettes by myself there were also occasions that people were found to be passing me those stubs that I would end up suckling before passing it to someone else. In some cases, there were also instances for a cigarette named Pilot, which was cheaper but had a strong aroma.
Till the night fell, my number of intake of cigarette seems to have reached, 9-10 with three of the cigarettes still being on credit.
It is really embarrassing to be admitting that the cigarette had to be taken on credit. The circumstances bade me to do so. However, I hope I will sustain myself throughout the day today, smoking as less as I can.

A note on why I started this blog

It seems like a million times by now that I have promised myself never to touch the cigarette butt ever again and as much as it sucks to admit.. I am craving for that one puff of smoke to run through my lungs and out of my mouth right now as I sit here trying to describe my experience.
Smoking has caused a lot of effects that possibly I would have never thought the white innocent looking roll of tobacco inside paper was ever capable of. It has made me want it to the extent that I feel helpless and sometimes even unaware of my surroundings, turned me into an irritated and agonizing old hag and not to mention the stinky smell that goes with me where ever I may roam. Time; one of the most important assets seems to be being wasted in pursuit of that one hit of nicotine whilst I have to go a bit far from my home in order to smoke in fear that my family members might see me. Money; another important asset also seems to be dwindling due to the urge of lighting that stub. I tell you, this luxury of wanting to burn that roll and blowing it is not a cheap exercise. With the government's ever changing taxation rules and ever increasing price, the expenses are getting way out of hands.
They are so clever are they not those flocks at the government. They know we the ones who are hooked can not let go of it easily and hence no matter how much they tighten their grips on taxation, we won't resent, we won't give up!! We will spend every single penny to buy a cigarette and smoke it out! That is no way to control or decrease the frequency of smoking. If they really care there would have been rehabilitation centers and counselling services. But, they do not care, the least a government does is care about the people.
The main reason for me venturing out to write this blog is to make sure that I do not go again in venturing out to smoke another puff of the cigarette and even if I do it will all go in here so that I can keep track of my smoke intake and figure out how to reduce it by reviewing it. This blog will also serve as an account for those who want to quit smoking or to those who will want to research on these topics. I will try to be as regular as I can.